The Case for More Calm

You deserve to rest as much as you need to because you are a human being. Full stop.

But some people need the receipts. And there are parts of devising and implementing a self-care routine that can actually be draining. That’s counter-productive to our end goal: which is ultimately to soothe the nervous system and make room for more resilience and possibility. 

When we are stressed, we activate our nervous systems. That’s great news, evolutionary-speaking, because our nervous systems enable us to be prepared in sudden danger. That said, they’re not exactly designed for modern life. Your nervous system cannot tell the difference between a hungry lion and the fear that Kathy from work thinks your comment during the Zoom call was dumb. (It wasn’t -- you made a great point and Kathy had a chaotic morning, so it wasn’t really about you at all.)

When we are activated, we go into fight, flight or freeze mode. You’ll probably favor one over the other, but all three can show up in different parts of your life. In the wild, they can keep you safe from predators. In everyday life, they can become unhelpful patterns of relating. 

Let’s say your boss criticizes your presentation. You’re activated and fearful.

Fight can look defensive at best or exchanging harsh words at worst.

Flight can mean you’re avoidant of your boss or in an extreme version, you quit your job.

Freeze can mean that you collapse and agree with your boss, maybe even holding onto a feeling of helplessness in your workplace relationships.

“Practicing quiet, self-care time is one way to enter into conversation with your nervous system.”

What we hope to do is increase windows of tolerance and be more in that state of relaxed calm. So that you’re in better communication with your body and can recognize when these impulses begin to take over. Eventually, you’ll be able to take a breath and separate your actions from your reactions.