More Self-Love Please

First off, the mere act of a self-care practice is also an act of self-love. It’s a radical act in our culture of productivity to slow down and take care of yourself. Left unchecked, we tend to recharge our phones and laptops much more frequently than we recharge ourselves. 

We can add self-love into our daily practice by paying attention to the way we talk to ourselves. So many of us speak to ourselves way more harshly than we would to a child or a dear friend. Imagine if you had a supportive and nurturing voice running through your head all day. How would that change what you think you’re capable of? Would your experience of daily life improve?

Awareness of the inner critic

One of the most profound practices you can begin to cultivate is to become aware of your inner critic. This is the little voice that’s always commenting on your way of doing things, comparing you to other people and generally finding fault with everything you do, think and say. We all have one!

You can sit and meditate for five minutes daily chanting self-love affirmations, but if the rest of the 24 hours of your day is spent with a critical asshole (we’re referring to your inner critic, not your boss but they’re irritating, too) then you’re probably not going to really feel and embody that self-love.

There is a reason our inner critic exists. They’re there to help us improve, adapt and generally keep us safe. It’s a deep part of our brain that has been incredibly helpful over the course of our human evolution. But, our modern lives don’t require that much hypervigilance. If we don’t learn to work with our inner critic, then they can drain us of confidence and keep us too safe in lives that are too small.

“The mere act of a self-care practice is also an act of self-love in itself.”

Step 1

 Awareness is a powerful thing. At first, just listen to the thoughts and critiques that run through your head. We typically aren’t even aware of its presence until we start to look, because the inner critic has been running the show for so long. Once you notice when the voice pops up, you can begin to take away some of its power by saying, ‘oh that’s just my inner critic’ and move right along. 

Step 2

Eventually, you’ll be ready to consciously respond to your inner critic. You can do this in two ways. You could talk directly to that voice (out loud or in your head -- you get to choose how crazy you appear to the folks around you) and say, ‘thank you for trying to protect me, but that’s not helpful right now.’ 

Another strategy is to hear the critique and respond to yourself with an affirming thought. If your inner critic is telling you that you're doing a piss poor job, you might respond to yourself (not the critical voice) with a compassionate ‘you’re doing great and you keep getting better with practice.’ 

There will probably be a few frequent criticisms you note happening repeatedly. They’re your inner critic’s greatest hits, but you get to program this playlist. Write out the compassionate rebuttals to your critics most frequent attacks and place them in spaces you’ll see often: the cover of your journal, your phone’s lock screen, the bathroom mirror. You can even set a daily alarm with the reminder so that you’re guaranteed to get a jolt of self-love every day.

Over time, your inner critic’s voice will carry less influence because you’ve begun the process of separating yourself from their judgements. You can even develop compassion towards the part of you that your critic is trying to protect. Odds are that the critiques are loudest in a situation you feel vulnerable or unsure in. And building confidence through the diffusion of your self-directed critical thoughts is a great way to branch out into living a bigger life.